Dec 12

Dec 12 What Men Want in Bed (315 Men Answer Honestly)

What men want in bed: 6 things 315+ men actually said

Based on 315+ anonymous responses, this article breaks down what men most consistently say they want in bed: the things they wish women understood, the behaviors that make them feel desired, and the themes that came up again and again. If you want to read every unfiltered response, you can jump straight to the full list below.

#1: What men want really want: Initiation

Men want women to initiate intimacy. This was by far the most commonly mentioned desire among men. It has nothing to do with men being lazy, or wanting “a break” from always making the first move… it has everything to do with the unpredictability, excitement and desire that rises when the roles flip for a moment... It’s an undeniable form of deep desire. Who doesn’t want that?!

#2: Communication and Dirty Talk

Like what you see? Say it.
Loving what you feel? Say it.
Want something specific? Say it.
It really is that simple. Men aren’t asking for performative lines… they want enthusiasm, honest desire spoken out loud, and real-time feedback on what feels good for you so they can do more of THAT. (PSA ladies: Your pleasure is their pleasure).

#3 Enthusiasm and Presence

Enthusiasm showed up in almost every form:
“Don’t be a starfish.”
”Nothing turns me on more than a woman that is really into it.”
“Look in our eyes.”

I think this was mentioned so often because enthusiasm is also feedback. It tells them how much you’re enjoying something and whether they should slow down, or do more of it, or completely change the direction.

Remember when I said your pleasure is his pleasure? This confirms it. Men read our reactions as a direct signal of whether they’re creating pleasure for you. Presence isn’t just sexy. It’s guidance. And men respond to that.

#4 Take Control

This could be interpreted similarly as initiation, but it was mentioned enough times that I had to make it its own category. Men don’t necessarily want a dominant partner (though some might). They want moments where the roles flip, where you take charge for a second, where the energy shifts and they feel your desire in a more assertive, undeniable form.

“Take control.”
“Be dominant.”
“Flip the roles.”
“Be more aggressive.”
“Take charge once in a while.”

These are desires for variation, for unpredictability, for brief moments where you lead. Just like initiation, taking control communicates I want you. But it adds an element of surprise and intensity (erotic confidence).

#5 Oral Sex

Ladies, are we surprised? 😂 Oral came up in almost every form… “bj,” “head,” “go down,” “swallow,” “deepthroat.” Different wording, same message. Men weren’t asking for perfection. They were asking for interest, for willingness, for a sense of enjoyment rather than obligation.

And if this made you wonder how often both men and women want oral, I break that down here: How often do men and women want oral sex?

#6 Try Something New/ Being Open Minded

Men weren’t asking for a long list of kinks, they are asking for curiosity and a willingness to try new things, explore fantasies, use toys, or simply be a little more adventurous.

“Be open to exploring. Toys, etc.”
“Be curious and willing to explore.”
“Open about fantasies.”
“Be more adventurous.”
“Take charge sometimes and be open to experimentation including toys.”

And if you’re wondering how toys can elevate intimacy, women in our community anonymously tested different LELO toys and shared their honest experiences. You can read those articles here.

What this actually comes down to

When men talk about what they want in bed, the answers are far less complicated than we might think... They want to feel wanted/ desired (just like us). Initiation, enthusiasm, communication, and presence all point to the same thing: desire that feels real/ undeniable and mutual.

None of this is about performance or doing everything perfectly. It’s about responsiveness, curiosity, and moments where both people feel chosen. That’s what came up again and again in over 315 responses, and it’s what creates intimacy that feels exciting rather than routine.

What 315 men actually said (unfiltered)

Don't race and mix it up lol
Tell me what you want
Be naughtier and louder
Play out kinks/fantasies
Stop analyzing just let go and be in the moment
Take your time more positions
Talk dirtier
Talk dirty
Occasional non-subtle initiation. Make me feel desired. Quarterly appreciation BJs
Bring a girlfriend
Talk filthy lol
Take control. Be dominant. Show that sexy masculinity.
Let loose. Have fun
Announce their orgasms, and their progress toward orgasm.
Dirty talking!
Be open about what they really want, no need to be secretive about it
Be assertive. From time to time, just rip our clothes off the second we get in the door.
Just shut the fuck up for once in your life
Say what you like and demand it!
Whisper sweet nothings in our ear
Initiate. And not be a starfish
Fuck back
Initiate
Praise us.
Gentle nail scratches 🔥
Dirty talk
Ball play
Initiate. Foreplay
Head
Stay on top of
Direct if it's not satisfying for them.
Focus
Dirty talk
Make noise, talk dirty, make eye contact
Initiate and go down
Play with them selves 🔥
Make noise
Swallow
The best I've had is where each partner focuses on getting the other person off.
Talk dirty!
Initiate
Moan. Initiate. Grab our hair. Be more bodies.
More holding & pulling on our balls, more attention to nipples, and learning what we like
Kiss passionately.
Give head
I would say as much as you love oral so do we.
Take control
Enjoy it they are showing it
Dirty talk
Play with herself
Suck it all out and swallow with joy
Be weird open to weird stuff
69
Talk dirty and moan
Initiate
Bj lol
More dirty talk
Start it!
Be open minded
Give sterling. hitch.
Just put in more effort overall!
Feed back, more cabeza
Take control
Say our name. Tell us exactly how to make them cum (during). Butt stuff
Initiate
Be more into it. Nothing turns me on more than a woman that is really into it.
Make noise.
Initiate. Wear special underwear.
Anilingus, dirty talk, bj after creampie,
More open to trying things, vocals, tell us what is good and isn't.
Encourage us don’t just turn off. Or tell us another pos.
one_of_threekings
New creative position when you least expected it
Initiate the sex
Say what they want
Tell us what you want
Recite Eminem - Lose Yourself
Dirty talk, vocalize their needs
Communicate what you like and don't like
Moan (real moans), change positions, be vocal with what feels good, 69, and cum
Deepthroat
Light ass play during a blow job
Be more expressive of their wants and take control from time to time
oral, surrender, communicate desires
Tell us what you want
Initiate. Be more aggressive. Do some of the work
Communicate what they want.
make noise, talk dirty, moans, be verbal/something you like/dislike want or don't.
Initiate!!!!!
Read
All of the above
Be there 😂😂
Initiate
to actually want to have sex at least 3/week unless 🚩. Most use sex as reward mechanism
You've heard it a million times, enthusiasm.
Plan surprises to change things up. Shows she cares about having a great sex life
Initiate /Head
Initiate
Initiate, and just be sexy/sexual and not clumsy with it lol
Just to want to be there. Not a chore, not an obligation.
Initiate
Not run when it's in to deep.
Open about what does and doesn't feel good
More focus on their pleasure than just getting it done.
Take it in the rear
Initiate
Instructions, start the action, deep throat
Get on top geeezzzzz!
Be more aggressive/intense. I get aggressive/intense. I get "in charge" but be more involved
Anal
Take more control
Be andy
Be more aggressive.
Be more assertive. also break the rules 😈
Start it off by teasing talk and do what they were teasing you with
Be in to it. Get loud
Have more sex
Initiate, don't be afraid to explore the kinky side of life!
Be curious and willing to explore
Just initiate more, it's nice to feel wanted
Tell me what you want
Initiate
Be open to adventure in sex!
Initiate. We like to feel wanted too
Communicate
Be a present and relax. Have gummy and enjoy....
Initiate it! (And BJs)
Tell us how they want to be pleasured to reach the O
Tell us what they like
Tell us what they like
Initiate more and take control.
Explore/express more of their own fantasies with us
Get on top without getting tired so quickly 🤣
MFM
Wear nylons
Communicate, be vocal, show/tell how to make you cum
Take charge sometimes and be open to experimentation (within reason of course)
My gf doesn't do blowjobs and it really annoys me.
Give Head to start with
Foreplay. Women need the build up but men enjoy it as well
The sexy/slutty seduction foreplay. The "enticement"
Instigate more. Be less concerned how you look or if we are enjoying it.
Look in our eyes
Open up and be more confident
Play, cuddle and repeat
Bj
Basically make us feel: YOU. WANT. US to have s3x with US
Or turn around and do a little dance then bury our face in that
Take some initiative. Push us back, lower our heads, put one leg on our shoulder...
Polish with your nips, play the pearl, be an active partner and get the prize inside!
Initiate it.
pillow princess.
Stop hogging the dam doona!
Talk dirty, be open minded about trying new things in new places.
Be open with what they want, like, need, etc.
Initiate more, especially in marriages or long relationships.
Initiate and show interest
Be honest about what you want
Take charge
Say what they want
Participation. Walk me more. I know it takes women longer to start to purr... But I shouldn't have
Touching and speaking
Tell us what you want (sometimes)
Tell us how it feels and what they want
Reciprocate taking the lead! It's hot when girls take control sometimes
Relax, enjoy yourself, playful but still intimate (....I guess this really goes for everyone)
Initiate
More sex
Blow job
Swallow..
Dirty talk. I love when a girl has a filthy mouth in bed and tells me how she wants to be fucked
Dirty talk
Initiate
Cum swallow
Finger the booty
Use your words. Cues.
Dirty talk
Initiate it
Balls in mouth
Initiate
Take control
Say what they like
Initiate
More open minded to new things
Communicate
Wear something sexy
More tactile. Like grab my arms or back (not scratch tho lol)
Enjoy giving head
Guys care less than just being Sometimes more spontaneous
Be necessary for women to act like pornstars I prefer a woman to enjoy sex.
Be physically and/or verbally active- Making out with someone playing dead feels creepy 😂
Be more handsy
Speak!!! Tell us what you like and how much!
Enthusiasm and an openness to new experiences
Tell us what gets them off and how we can make that happen
Initiate
Initiate. Eye contact. Real time feedback. Encourage the "finish" When it's time.
Initiation
Confidence confidence confidence
Just more of it
Foreplay & initiate more
Swallow
Communicate your wants & needs
Suck it without complaining
Enjoy what they have not experiences for past experiences to better or worse
Talk... let us know what works for you. You know your body best.
Take control
Be aggressive 😈
Not just lie there
Suggest new things to try.
Move
Bj
Anal
Just tell us what you like, what feels good. I'm always willing to be coached
Ride on top grinding not bouncing
More tongue kissing
Suc it like there's a 1 million dollar prize waiting for ya lol
Take initiative
Instructions
Give more not just receive
Initiate it
Communicate.
During: experiment, explore, get on top, turn around try stuff. Before: initiate.
Say our names
Initiate it!
Be more adventurous and open minded
Always play with balls if you can reach, any position
Tell us what you actually want
Experiment with new stuff, or encourage that we do
More foreplay. I go down on her and then she immediately wants me to put it in
BJ francois connard of the day
After eating the peach then make sure i can eat that apple too...be ready!
Kissing and eye contact (when not kissing) ....and look back when we r hitting it from back!
Go slow and enjoy the feelings
Blowjobs
Whoa those comments get crazy
Be aggressive
Approach freaky stuff with enthusiasm rather than like a favor
Oral sex
Take control of the situation
Be more aggressive!
Once glazed to continue the dirty dance and not stop for a wipe down
Uufff this could get ugly lol
Oral
Initiate
Initiate something new
Every woman is different
Call us by our name
69
Making more noise when we're doing it right
Oral
Tell us what they like
Take control sometimes.
Quit worrying about what you look like while doing it. Just be in the moment.
Initiate
Be more aggressive!
ENTHUSIASM!!!
Initiate. Give hints or just plain say you want it or just take it.
Blowjobs at random times will change a guys life
Initiate more often!
Communicate with what they like and what we are doing good on
Assuming she's initiated? Because if not, then initiate
Initiate
Go pick up a pizza
Ask for us to come in their mouth
Anal
Be more enthused. Be vocal. Tell me you love it. Talk dirty to me. And grind those hips in rhythm!
Be more adventurous
Act more pornstar like. Even if it's not acting once and a while
Be enthusiastic about it
Not complain about having sex
More of passionate kissing and cuddling
Participate... anything really...
Initiate
Praise
Be in the moment
Dirty talk and eye contact 🔥👀
Initiate or take charge more
More anal
Give sensual feedback
Tell us what they like
Hawtuahhhhhhh
Initiate
Tell us what they want
Initiate...!!!
Be more vocal
The dirty talk. Not nasty, but dirty.
Fantasy aloud about women
I can only speak from experience, share your desires and likes. It makes the moment fun/passionate
Pull it out and lick the lollipop after it's been inside mid session, then back in 👅
INITIATE & Use your fucking words!!! Hints are shit. Be deliberate.
Add her best friend 🍆
Oral sex with passion. I mean I want you to do it like you are trying to get the prize inside!
Communication
Anything, really. Don't just stay there receiving and looking how the man does everything.
Suggest new things to explore
Initiate
Initiate, take some control
Talk to us, tell us what you want, we're not mind readers
Roll with our arse mmmm
Be open to exploring. Toys, etc
Anal.
Or say "you choose how you want it tonight"
Be a pillow princess
Slow grind on top! Drives me nuts
Take control
Say "I've never done this before, can we [fill in the blank]"... always a turn on
To let out that inner freak, love when a women feels free to show her naughty side
Compliment our dick
Take charge
Keep seductive eye contact
Learn how to deep throat
Expressing passion freely
Give head & talk dirty
Be into it
Cuddle afterwards