Relationship Advice You Wish You Heard Sooner
I am SO excited to share this article with you. It's been my favorite piece to write, not only because I take major pride in my GIF game (see below), but I share some of my personal lessons with you. This article was inspired by a collective effort through our instagram community and by 15+ friends (majority of them were men) who have recently come to me seeking advice with relationships/ letting go. There is 100% some sort of collective energy/past clearing going on based on how many conversations I've had centered around these topics this past month. Writing this piece helped me with my own surrendering so I hope more than anything that if you're reading this, that it helps you with yours. I sense a new chapter coming for anyone who has recently felt this aggressive rehashing/clearing... stay patient and go easy on yourself :).
If you like what you've read or want to add anymore 'advice pieces', feel free to reach out via instagram :).
Thank you to everyone who added to this!
Invest in someone the same amount they invest in you.
Don’t make someone a priority when they treat you as an option. Set your boundaries and vocalize your core-values early on (respect, monogamy, consistency, affection, etc…). If they disrespect them and show actions of having different values, they will most likely waste your time. You receive what you tolerate, always remember that.
Always trust your intuition.
If you sense an internal deep pitted feeling, that’s your intuition telling you something is off. Energetics or people’s ‘vibes’ ARE A THING. Your body picks up on people’s energies and transmutes them into feelings/intuition. Trust yourself enough to feel when something isn’t right. Body awareness is one of the most powerful things you can learn and cultivate. Not only will you be able to sense when something is off, but you’ll be able to feel when something/someone is good for you as well. You basically become psychic (yes please).
Communication is everything.
Find the courage to ask questions and express what you truly want. Communicate with your partner as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. Life is too damn short to be acting like you don’t have any feelers. I can assure you that if you aren’t sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner, you two are literally living different realities.
Recognize the difference between falling in love VS. falling in love with their potential.
The most painful thing you can do to yourself is hold on to the potential you’ve created for someone else, trust me on this one. They are not that potential unless they become it. You cannot change someone, just as you shouldn’t allow someone to change who you are (unless its positive change - growth, new healthy values and standards, etc... but that should also be decided entirely by you and only you).
Early red flags, if avoided, will be your biggest challenges later on.
Stop looking for the right people in the wrong places.
Never go to bed knowing your partner is upset about something you did and can mend.
I hope you find someone who can’t sleep knowing you’re hurting over something they did and can mend, and I hope you are this person for your partner as well.
You should never have to teach basic human decency to an adult.
You can't control what someone does; you can only control how you react to it.
It’s never too late to take back control.
Sometimes the greatest act of self-love is walking away even if it means breaking your own heart. If you have to question why someone would treat you poorly when you’ve been a good partner, you already know you deserve better. There is always better in comparison to someone who has treated you poorly, I promise you that.
You and your significant other should be each other's biggest fans.
If someone isn’t going to be excited/encouraging of whatever passion or career you decide to pursue, they are not your person. Look for someone who encourages your growth, quirkiness, creativity and passions. Personally, I find passions to be one of the sexiest things, whatever they may be. To see a partner pursuing authentic happiness and fulfillment through something they can lose themselves in… please proceed 🤤.
Don’t ask yourself if you are good enough for them. Ask yourself if they are good enough for you.
It’s time to get up from the table when love is no longer being served.
It’s never you against each other, it’s the both of you against the problem.
Never let your reaction/attitude towards an issue become the new situation.
Sometimes loving someone isn't enough to make a relationship work.
You can love someone so deeply that you feel in every inch throughout your body that you’re meant to be together, but this feeling alone is not enough to make the relationship work. There has to be mutual respect, a shared outlook on standards and core-values. Love is not just a feeling, it’s a choice you make every single day.
You are your own person.
Try your best to maintain your individuality in a relationship. Your partner is not yours, at best, they are a loan with an option for renewal and vice versa. Even when you’re in a relationship, continue doing the things that brought you joy and stability before your relationship if you find yourself drifting away from who you were. One of the scariest things in my opinion is giving someone so much of yourself that they have the ability to shatter the ground under you if they were to leave. Have your own space, ‘your own ground’ and continue playing, creating and growing there.
If they wanted to be with you, they would be with you. #Actions
First and foremost, if they are truly sorry, they will change their behavior. The one who misses you will make an effort and show up. But most importantly, the one who truly loves/values you would never put themselves in a position to lose you.
^ Or girl who says: ^
Your wounds can't heal if you keep touching them.
From every part of my mind and heart that knows better- whatever you’re doing that isn’t allowing you to fully let go, fcking stop it. I know you know what I mean.
Heartbreak is one of the messiest, yet beautiful transformational experiences.
You get to reevaluate everything you once believed in (if it’s a gnarly one, lmao) and the things that are no longer growing/serving you and your well-being. You expand in ways you never could before because of the space that was being occupied by heavy energy. There is light between your broken cracks, I promise. Once you find it, you give the past painful experience a new meaning, and that’s when the real healing begins. First it hurts you, then it changes you.
