Red Flags You Should Never Avoid While Dating
Red Fckn Flags. You know; the pings, gut feelings/intuition we somehow choose to ignore only to find ourselves in heartbreak questioning our worth. I wanted to know how many others have dismissed their intuition and what their initial red flags were. So I took to Instagram and asked how many people agreed/disagreed with this statement: 'Early red flags that were avoided ended up being the very reason why your relationship ended.'
112 out of 131 people (85%) AGREED that the early red flags they ignored ended up being the very reason why the relationship ended.
I get it. Sexy Seth/Stacy didn’t meet 5 out of the 6 things on your checklist (of core-values) but they were absolutely amazing in every other way. You wanted to give it a chance because after all, you know you are a fcking delight and who wouldn’t stick around for that? Maybe you pushed your better judgement off to the side because you just met this person and didn’t want to sound like a psycho calling them out on their BS, or you are the type that sees the good in everyone. Let me tell ya somethin’, Cupcake, trust is earned, not freely given.
Do You Value The Same Things In A Relationship?
It will be very easy to tell if someone will be able to feed your needs and mirror your values early on if you are in tune with your own. For example, if you know you need effective communication and you’re dating someone who is extremely vague about things when you are casually asking, then this is probably someone who does not know your need for effective communication. Nonetheless, it is up to you to decide if this person is worth (playfully) coaching them on your needs. If someone isn’t willing to openly chat about their day/life it’s very likely that they aren’t willing/ready to share those parts of their lives with you (vagueness = huge red flag). Gracias, next.
Core Values Can Be:
Respect
Monogamy
Self awareness
Open and honest communication
Close with their family or someone who would like to be
Same religion
Physically, emotionally and mentally improving yourselves
Same outlook on wanting/not wanting children
(You decide what the most important traits in a partner/relationship are)
Here are some of the most common red flags 50+ men and women from our Instagram community shared. Hopefully these will allow you to FULLY trust your intuition and take someone’s actions at face-value during the early stages of dating to avoid getting yourself into a shituation.
Being Consistently Inconsistent
Whether it be inconsistently hanging out, texting or hot and cold feelings; you are 100% an option within their rotation. I’m sorry and you’re welcome. You now get to decide how you’d like to handle the shituationship. If you don’t want to be an option, vocalize that you are looking for someone who is able to commit to the exclusivity you value in a relationship. If they aren’t willing to meet you half way, don’t stick around to see if time will change their mind. The only thing that will change their mind is time without you around :).
When It Just Doesn’t Add Up
I fully understand not wanting to sound like a psycho calling people out on their BS, especially when you barely know them, but when something is just not adding up/they contradict themselves, that uneasy ‘ping’/feeling you get is your red flag. Here is my take on it… If you know something is off, or that this person straight up lied about something, you have two options: bring that convo back around for some clarity, or, you put that lie in your back pocket and move onto someone who isn’t going to lie about little things. If someone is going to lie about little things early on, they will lie about the biggest things. Why would we want to hang around a person whom just lied to us? #Standards and #Values.
Other Red Flags
Values partying over the relationship
When they treat your relationship as ownership Vs partnership
Has Princess Syndrome (demanding and expecting)
Are flaky
Only want to hang out past 10pm
You don’t know any of their friends
Argues early on
Uses people
When they're too suave
Getting way too serious too fast ('I know it's only been 2 weeks but ILY BB!')
Impolite to you and others
Different values
Lying
Early signs of codependency
Insecure by no means of you causing this feeling
Gas lighting
When you see them deleting messages on their phone
Manipulating
When they hang with their horse more than you (lmao, true)
When they don’t ask anything about you
Vagueness
Overly cocky
Talking about their exes negatively
When they reveal nothing about themselves
Always on their phone but takes forever to respond you
Always negative/unhappy (that’s their sh*t that they should be dealing with)
When they don’t want to make an effort to meet your friends/family
When they don’t stick to their word (lack of commitment)
Does not support/encourage your dreams/passions
If you’re currently dating someone who has 1+ characteristics listed above, I would reconsider your investment in this person/vocalize your concerns. Life is too damn short to be acting too cool for having some feelers. I always find it best to establish your boundaries early on in a playful yet confident manner.
To everyone who shared these red flags and more, THANK YOU!
