How to Make Long Distance Work
My last relationship was long distance and I learned a fck ton about myself, partners and relationships in general. So when someone from our Instagram community requested this topic, I was really excited to chat about it!
If you follow me on IG, you know I love gathering everyone’s thoughts and advice based on their personal experiences. This article is no different. I’m going to be sharing the collective advice from our Instagram community and I have to say, I’m really impressed and I even read some things I wish I would have done more of. But hey, now that we know better, we’ll do better, right? ;)
Does long distance work?
It does… until it doesn’t. I’m kidding! Of course it can work (I’ve seen it work!). It really just depends on mutual/ aligned intentions, a future vision, transparency, communication, values and very clear boundaries (much like any other relationship).
I’ve found that long distance relationships can build some of the most intellectually fulfilling and passionate experiences — courtesy of the deep desire to connect on all other levels since partners cannot physically connect #EMOTIONALBONDING. I’ve also realized it’s easier for partners to become more vulnerable with each other because they *hopefully* deeply feel and express that they miss each other.
Tips for making long distance work:
Communicate Your Needs
On a very fundamental level, needs are emotions and sometimes actions you seek within a partnership that are pertinent to you and your relationship’s well-being. What are your needs and can you fully express them? (Transparency, loyalty, reassurance, expression, check-ins, a good night message/call, honesty, etc…)
Vocalize Your Boundaries (Communication Pt. 2)
It’s difficult for people to know where you stand when you don’t use your words to define your boundaries— boundaries teach people how to treat and respect you. They also create your sense of identity— they tell people what you will and will not allow in your life.
Here are a few questions that will help you take inventory of your boundaries within your relationship:
Depending on what your partner did or didn’t do, are you able to communicate that something specific bothered/hurt you? Are they able to meet you with compassion, an apology and/or reassurance?
Do you immediately/calmly bring up what’s bothering you? Or do you wait until the “straw breaks the camel’s back”?
What do you and your partner define as emotional and physical cheating? Are you able to have this talk with them and establish your boundaries here?
Ask What Your Relationship Needs
I believe for long distance partnerships (especially), the question to be asked is, “what does my relationship need from me to feel a certain way?” Likely, it needs honest communication, vulnerability, patience and compassionate reassurance.
Virtual Dates
My god - T god for FaceTime. FaceTime is a perfect way to catch up, feel close and pick up on feelings based on facial expressions/ body language. Let’s take it one step further, though, and put this godsend to reeal good use:
Set up virtual dates as you would make plans to meet IRL for a date - cook together, walk together, read together/ to each other (idk? some people might be into that)/ watch a movie together/ strut around and give your partner a mini fashion show in the new clothes you purchased ;).
Make Plans to See Each Other
SO FCKING IMPORTANT. Knowing when you’re going to see your partner next eases your mind and provides a sense of security, doesn’t it? When you set a date, it gives each partner something to look forward to.
Keep Something of Them Around
A jacket/shirt sprayed with their perfume/cologne, a picture, a letter, a piece of art, something you purchased together. These small reminders will help you feel more connected even within the distance.
Send Each Other Spontaneous Letters
Who doesn’t want a spontaneous love letter? Actually, I know ;) because I have the stats on this (you’re welcome). I was a bit surprised/impressed based on how many guys actually WANT to receive a lil’ love note—
Send Gifts
Selflessness is endearing, but please do not confuse self-abandonment with the term “selflessness”. A spontaneous $5 Venmo for their morning coffee when they’re having a bad day or week can bring SO much comfort and support.
Depending on your comfort/ explorative levels, send your partner some lingerie ;). My god… to know that your lover wants to see you in something specific… that they chose… is SO sexy.
Gifts don’t always have to be monetary. They can be something you created for them - a piece of art, a framed picture, etc… Trust me, your partner just wants to know that you’re thinking about them and it’s nice to receive a lil’ surprise here and there.
Remember Why You Chose Each Other
It can be so easy to drift away especially within long distance relationships. You may have to remind yourself why you chose to commit through distance, to your partner and to your relationship.
Stay Honest with Each Other
This might be a little out there… but I believe relationships should have intentional quarterly discussions (lol) for the sole reason of being honest about how each partner is feeling with and within the relationship. ‘Are we happy? Do we still want to do this? What do we need to work on? What do you need? What do I need more of? What does our relationship need?’
Use the Distance Wisely
Long distance relationships can be a perfect opportunity to deeply explore yourself. Use the space, time and energy towards exploring and building yourself. This is one of the most attractive things you can do for you and your partner.
“I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.” - Jim Rohn.
That’s all I’ve got for ya! Thank you to everyone from our Instagram community who added to this!
With love,
Stephanie
